Introduction

"So when they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, 'Simon, son of John, do you love (ἀγαπάω) Me more than these?' He said to Him, 'Yes, Lord; You know that I love (φιλέω) You.' He said to him, 'Tend My lambs.' He said to him again a second time, 'Simon, son of John, do you love (ἀγαπάω) Me?' He said to Him, 'Yes, Lord; You know that I love (φιλέω) You.' He said to him, 'Shepherd My sheep.' He said to him the third time, 'Simon, son of John, do you love (φιλέω) Me?' Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, 'Do you love (φιλέω) Me?' And he said to Him, 'Lord, You know all things; You know that I love (φιλέω) You.' Jesus said to him, 'Tend My sheep.'" (John 21:15-17)
Notes:
| Verb | Noun |
| ἀγαπάω – agapaō | ἀγάπη – agape |
| φιλέω – phileō | φιλία – philia |
How many of us have not heard a sermon on this passage? Probably everyone reading this who has been a regular church attendee would have heard a sermon on this passage at least once in the last ten years.
I will do my best to remain objective at all times, even though objectivity is one of the most difficult frames of mind to keep and practise. We all have our rose-coloured glasses on, and that is how we look at the world.
The differences between these two words intrigued me ever since Bible college in the years between 1985 and 1989. I will be drawing from various resources, e.g. lexicons, e-mail discussion groups, and finally, the highest authority I could find on this subject, the Scriptures.

Before we carry on to execute our study, let me clarify my assumptions concerning the God kind of love, whether it be ἀγάπη or not.
Firstly, it must be unchangeable. Why? God is unchangeable. Any attribute of God has to be unchangeable if God is unchangeable. Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
Secondly, it has to be pure. Due to the holiness of God any attribute of His has to be holy and pure. No stench, or darkness can be associated with any attribute of God.
Word Meanings
The meanings I present here I have gleaned from several lexicons (dictionaries), and one theological dictionary. They are:
Bauer's A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature (commonly known as BAGD), Second edition Revised and augmented by F. Wilbur Gingrich and Frederick W. Danker from Walter Bauer's Fifth edition, 1958, published 1979, the University of Chicago press.
Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament based on Semantic Domains Volume 1 Introduction & Domains, Second impression, 1988, United Bible Societies;
A Greek-English lexicon of the New Testament by Joseph Henry Thayer, Twenty-first Zondervan printing 1981, Zondervan;
Theological dictionary of the New Testament by Geoffrey W. Bromiley, reprinted, May 1986, William B. Eerdmans;
Strong's exhaustive concordance of the Bible found in the Online Bible, version 7.03;
The Expository dictionary of New Testament words by W.E. Vine, Seventeenth impression, 1966, Oliphants;
Agape

Agape means the following:
to be fond of, to love dearly; to love, to be full of good-will, to have a preference for, regard the welfare of: . . . to take pleasure in the thing, prize it above other things, be unwilling to abandon it or do without it; a spontaneous feeling which impels to self-giving, the weak sense to be satisfied, to receive, to greet, to honor, or more inwardly, to seek after; to have love for someone or something, based on sincere appreciation and high regard.
Louw and Nida says this concerning ἀγάπη and φιλέω:
“. . . Though some persons have tried to assign certain significant differences of meaning between ἀγαπάω, ἀγάπη and φιλέω, φιλία (25.33), it does not seem possible to insist upon a contrast of meaning in any and all contexts. For example, the usage in Jn, 21:15-17 seems to reflect simply a rhetorical alternation designed to avoid undue repetition. There is, however, one significant clue to possible meaningful differences in at least some contexts, namely, the fact that people are never commanded to love one another with φιλέω or φιλία, but only with ἀγαπάω and ἀγάπη. Though the meanings of these terms overlap considerably in many contexts, there are probably some significant differences in certain contexts; that is to say, φιλέω and φιλία are likely to focus upon love or affection based on interpersonal association, while ἀγαπάω and ἀγάπη focus upon love or affection based on deep appreciation and high regard.” p294
and
“. . . It would, however, be quite wrong to assume that φιλέω and φιλία refer only to human love, while ἀγαπάω and ἀγάπη refer to divine love. Both sets of terms are used for the total range of loving relations between people, between people and God, and between God and Jesus Christ.” p294
BAGD adds that ἀγάπη and φιλέω
"seem to be used interchangeably here; cf. the freq. interchange of synonyms elsewh. in the same chapter [βόσκειν - ποιμαίνειν, ἀρνία - προβάτια, ἑλκύειν - σύρειν]." p4
Phileo

φιλέω means the following:
friendship, to be friendly to one; φιλέω more nearly represents tender affection; To love; to be friendly to one, to treat somebody as one of one's own people; to have love or affection for someone or something based on association; love, have affection for, like.
Kittel says,
"In the LXX phileo, which is less common than agapao, is mostly used for 'hb. In meaning it is very similar to agapao. . . . Like the LXX, the NT prefers agapao to phileo. . . . Alternation between agapao and phileo occurs in Jn. 21:15ff. Some exegetes think that Peter is grieved because Jesus uses phileo the third time (21:17), but the words are mostly synonymous in John, and Peter is more likely grieved because Jesus asks for a third time. . . ." p1263-1264
We have now seen what the lexicons have to say concerning ἀγάπη and φιλέω. Even so, the best way of finding out what is meant by a word is to see how that word is used in a certain context.
How are these words used in the Scriptures?